


Through Younger Eyes

by Nadja_Lee



Series: What Could Have Been [2]
Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Adoptive Daughter, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Family Feels, Fluff, Love, M/M, Telepathic Bond, Wedding Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-05-13
Updated: 2004-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:14:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23019892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadja_Lee/pseuds/Nadja_Lee
Summary: AU that assumes that Kirk and Spock had Bonded near the end of the first 5 year mission and that they adopted and raised Saavik together.On Saavik’s wedding day she recalls her upbringing with Jim and Spock and remembers the love between the two men.[Printed in "t’hy’la 25" in 2005]
Relationships: David Marcus/Saavik, James T. Kirk/Spock
Series: What Could Have Been [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1654462
Comments: 2
Kudos: 303





	Through Younger Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Canon is going out the window but the AU label should have warned you there. This obviously means that I’ve given Saavik the background history I want her to have.
> 
> Author’s notes: Set in the AU I established in my story “What Could Have Been” but you don’t need to read it to follow this one.
> 
> Thanks so much to Nancy for great and quick beta even though she’s not into this fandom. You’re such a sweetheart *hugs and kisses*
> 
> Things written *in here* are telepathically messages/thoughts.

It is illogical to be this nervous on my own wedding day when I know my husband-to-be wants this union and would not stop it. It is even more illogical as he and I are already Bonded and thus I can feel my beloved’s warm and vibrant presence through our mental link. Still, I am nervous. I recall all Spock’s relaxation tactics but they seem to be inadequate. I tell myself I should not worry. I have studied Earth bonding customs. Though different from Vulcan then they are easy to follow. I have also attended many human weddings with Jim and Spock. Despite all my logical arguments I am still nervous but years of practicing control make sure it does not show. Joanna, Dr. McCoy’s daughter, is together with Uhura and Alana, my closest childhood friend, my brides of honor. We’re preparing to leave for the ceremony, which will be held in an open field on Jim’s land in Idaho. Currently we’re in Jim and Spock’s suite in San Francisco and my human bridesmaids act more stressed, nervous and illogical than I have ever seen them before. Already Uhura has come to me and has corrected the tiara that holds my veil on my head four times. Finally the shuttle that will transport us to Idaho arrives.

“You ready, sweetheart?” Jim asks and smiles warmly at me as he sees me standing before the mirror to put on the white pearl earrings that go with my long white satin dress and long silk veil.

“I am,” I reply and turn to him, smiling slightly at his warm and appraising look. Jim looks stunning in his finest gala uniform, wearing as many of his medals as his broad chest permits and still he cannot wear them all.

“You look beautiful,” he assures me and gives me a soft and quick kiss to the forehead.  
“Thank you.” Jim has always been able to do that. Without Spock or I having to ask, having to voice a concern, he’ll assure us, almost as if he knows our thoughts. Jim smiles at my words and takes my hand, escorting me to the shuttle with Joanna, Uhura and Alana following behind us.

The flight to Idaho takes about ten minutes as we’re in no hurry. We need to arrive so we can go from the shuttle directly to the two decorated horse carriages that will take us to the place of the wedding ceremony. The ceremony will be held in a field of flowery decorations where the guests and my bondmate and soon-to-be-husband will be awaiting our arrival. Jim’s mother has arranged for most of the details around the wedding. She does good work and I do agree with her choices or I would not have accepted them. When we land and exit the shuttle, Jim cannot help but greet the horses warmly, showing his love of these animals, before he enters the first carriage with me, the bridesmaids following behind. He holds my hand in his lap as we ride. As we drive out on the road that’ll take us to the field, I notice many people have gathered, held back by security guards. My bondmate and I would have liked a quiet wedding but with our pasts and positions it was not possible.

“Nervous?” Jim asks me softly. I raise an eyebrow at him in good imitation of Spock.

“That would be illogical.”  
Jim simply laughs and squeezes my hand before his attention returns to the landscape and the people waving at us. He smiles and waves back and on occasion I do likewise. However I find my thoughts returning to the past and the events that brought me to this joyous day.

Born by a human woman to a Romulan man I never dreamed my wedding would one day be the greatest event in Federation recent history, only surpassed by Spock’s resurrection and his and Jim’s Bonding and marriage before that. My parents loved each other but their love also gave them many enemies. My father decided to take my mother and me to Federation space but he would remain and do his duty to the Romulan Empire. However my father was a wealthy man and his brother feared he would give his human wife and half-breed child too much and thus he claimed my father was trying to desert. We were pursued all the way through the Empire but my father was a great warrior and we managed to reach the Neutral Zone but were badly hit. My parents died in the attack and I was wounded. Just when I thought I would die, hoping it would be with honor despite the circumstances, a Federation ship called Enterprise heard our distress call. With the Romulan ships closing in yet still out of range Jim managed to get me beamed onboard before he destroyed the ship and left before the Romulans caught up with us and could figure out what was happening. The Romulans saw the destroyed ship and figured there were no survivors.

At the age of seven I saw other humans beside my mother for the first time. Dr. McCoy was the first who spoke with me while I was in sickbay and I refused to tell him what had happened. Then Captain Kirk came to see me and he soon realized that though I was half human I had been raised as a Romulan. Unlike McCoy’s sweetness Jim clearly showed me he was a man in command and a man to be both feared and respected. Because of this I told him what he wanted to know and when he had this information he smiled at me and asked if I would like some ice cream. I admitted my mother had spoken of this but I had never tasted it. He promised to smuggle some of it into sickbay to me. When I had recovered enough to leave sickbay three weeks later, most of the crew had come to see me, Jim most of all, but even Spock had come by, though it was clear that he found me too emotionally immature to spend much time with. He was a Vulcan and used to children my age being much more controlled. The day McCoy released me, Jim came to get me as he had promised, earning him high regard in my mind as he had proved himself to me to be a great commander and a man of his word; an honorable leader. He took me to his cabin where Spock was waiting. He explained to me that he had come to care for me a great deal and would like to adopt me together with Spock, if I would agree to this. Jim had told me that Spock and he had been married for almost a year but the request came unexpectedly all the same. I didn’t doubt Jim’s sincerity; he smiled so warmly at me that he could have melted rock, to borrow a phrase from Uhura, but I wasn’t sure about Spock. I asked him if he wanted me. He calmly said that if it made his bondmate happy then he agreed to it and he said that since his House needed an heir it was a logical solution. I had thought about it. Jim had been kind to me and I respected him. Claiming him as my father would be something I could be proud of. Though Spock wasn’t a warrior like Jim, his family and House were well known and he was very intelligent, again something to be proud of. Thus I had accepted and Jim had smiled like a sun and hugged me. The Enterprise was to be refitted soon and Jim managed to allow me to stay onboard ‘til then. When the ship went in for refit I went with Jim and Spock to both Vulcan and Earth, going to school both places. It was hardest for me to attend Vulcan school. My mother had taught me English but I didn’t speak Vulcan. Also their emotional restraints were hard, even with Spock tutoring me at home in how to control my emotions. Jim had told me that it was very important I didn’t embarrass Spock when we were on Vulcan so I tried to control my emotions, especially around my grandfather Sarek, but it was hard. Some of the best times I had as a child while on Vulcan were when Amanda and Jim were alone with me and we talked, played or had candy, something Spock would never give me as he didn’t believe in eating food that had no nutritious value, finding it illogical to do so.

Growing up I connected best with Jim. I learned to control my emotions much better thanks to Spock but Jim’s behavior and style spoke to both my Romulan side as a warrior and my human side as a father. To this day the only one of them I ever regularly call father is Jim. I have on occasion called Spock father but not often. He does not invite such things. Spock had a hard time being Bonded to a human when he was half human himself. He had to convince Vulcan that his choice had been logical even though I knew he loved Jim. I saw it when we were at home alone. Spock’s eyes would soften when he looked at Jim and he would often caress Jim’s fingers in the two-fingered Vulcan style that Romulans also use and he would say things like ‘if it pleases you’ and ‘I always will and always shall be yours’. He would call Jim ‘t’hy’la’ and on rare occasions ‘beloved.’ 

I was aware of both of their importance, Spock’s to Vulcan and Jim to the Federation but to me they were just Spock and Jim. Unlike Spock, who would continue for some time to battle his mixed blood, I learned to accept who I was. Jim made me proud to be the way I was; a half human and half Romulan girl with the pointed ears of my birth father’s race and the smooth eyebrows of my mother’s. When I once, during a stay on Vulcan, had tried to cut my eyebrows, wanting to appear less human, after some Vulcan children had tormented me about it, Jim had found me and had stopped me. He had told me that one of the things he loved most about me was that to his knowledge there was no one like me in the galaxy. I was unique. He said that when he looked at me he saw not an adopted child but Spock’s and his child; a young girl with Spock’s ears, control and intellect but with his own eyebrows, his determination, daring and forthrightness with a flaming temper held under control. He said that, like him, I was a warrior and I smiled at that. I never again tried to change the way I looked to appear more Vulcan. 

Looking back, I had many good memories and the bad ones I had were almost always situations where neither Spock nor Jim was near me. My fondest memories of Jim is of him reading to me, teaching me to appreciate old Earth culture by visiting cultural centers and of him teaching me how to shoot and fight. I also remember him carrying me to bed when I was young because he thought I had fallen asleep but in reality I just liked the feeling of my head on his chest, safe within his embrace. Illogical, I know, for I was probably the most protected child growing up. I had to be with a name that read Saavik Kirk Sha’Spock, with all the enemies that especially Jim, like any great warrior, human or Romulan alike, has accumulated over the years. My best memories with Spock are when Jim, Spock and I did things together, like watching a holo vid or walking on the beach or in the forests of Earth. Another great memory was when he gave me a kitten for my ninth birthday. Spock loves animals, especially feline creatures, and watching him interact so warmly with them is as much a gift as the pets themselves.

All this is not saying that my little family hasn’t had their arguments. I recall that my first boyfriend had kissed me and then left me, saying he just wanted to know how kissing the half-breed Romulan daughter of Jim Kirk and Spock would be like. I had been so angry that I had kicked the bastard in the balls like Uhura had taught me. She had told me that it always worked on all male species with their genitalia between their legs but the success didn’t mean his betrayal hadn’t hurt. At twelve I wasn’t emotionally controlled enough not to go to my room and cry when I had gotten home, holding my cat in my lap, seeking the same kind of comfort that Spock as a child had sought from his own pet. Jim had come home and had tried to comfort me but then Spock appeared in the doorway and told Jim that if he continued to pamper me, I would never learn to control my emotions and he told me that my crying was illogical as it wouldn’t change anything and I knew he was right but his hard words only made me cry harder. Jim’s eyes had blazed gold in anger and he had told Spock that if he didn’t shut up then he’d spend his next Pon Farr in a cave on Vulcan…alone. They both knew Jim would never do that but his anger was clear and thus Spock never again tried to interfere when Jim was comforting me. However Jim later told me that Spock had just gotten a nasty call from Vulcan and his father and I knew those calls often made him super Vulcan, as McCoy called it.

At eighteen I had learned a lot of control and as much science as Spock could get me to study. Despite both Sarek and Spock’s wishes, I didn’t join the Vulcan Science Academy, although Spock didn’t press the issue as much as he could have done, probably because Jim was so happy and proud that I was joining Starfleet. It wasn’t easy being Jim Kirk’s daughter but I rose of my own power quickly. Taking my final exams with Jim as my instructor was a bit strange. I remember taking the Kobayashi Maru test with Spock playing my Science Officer. I furthermore remember that I cursed softly during the test, a trait from Jim that Spock has never approved of, even if I did manage to curse in a controlled manner. I wanted so badly to impress Jim but I felt I had failed the test when I did not win, even though he claimed I had done well. To this day only Jim has ever beaten the no-win scenario of the Kobayashi Maru test.

It wasn’t more than a few days after that when life would change forever. My first mission with Spock and Jim turned deadly as Khan’s pursuit of revenge cost Spock his life. I was devastated and even more afraid that Jim would follow his bondmate. He hadn’t had time to close down the mental link between them and thus he had felt Spock die. McCoy was overcome by grief and feared he’d loose Jim too, helpless to do anything for him just like he hadn’t been able to save Spock. If Jim had not felt Spock being reborn on the new planet below us he would have returned to Earth without him and who knows what might have happened then? Instead I met Dr. David Marcus, Jim’s long lost son and I felt an instant attraction to him. He had Jim’s boyish charm, his golden smiles, his boldness, his disregard for the rules and a love for life that seemed to run in Jim’s family. He also reminded me a bit of Spock in his scientific curiosity and his logical approach to things. He helped me through Spock’s death and the following discovery of him on the new planet. Jim helped the growing Spock through his Pon Farr and when Spock was the same age as when he had died we traveled to Vulcan to get Spock’s body reunited with his katra, which was safely locked within McCoy’s mind.

David and I stayed on Vulcan with Amanda as Jim, Spock, McCoy, Uhura and the others returned to Earth. I later found out that they had saved Earth on their way back by bringing back humpback whales from Earth’s past. In the months following Spock’s resurrection, David and I grew closer and we fell in love. I know that it’s an Earth custom that the man proposes but David was, unlike Jim, shy around women and thus I took matters into my own hands and proposed to him instead. He said yes and one solar year after Spock’s resurrection we were Bonded on Vulcan in a gigantic ceremony, given Spock’s status and the importance of his House.

Now, two months after our Bonding, David and I are to become husband and wife in the traditional Earth custom and, like with our Vulcan ceremony, we have millions of viewers following us on holo vid. I am certain that many people in Starfleet Command thinks that our wedding is good publicity; to have a newly appointed half Romulan Captain marry a famous scientist who’s the biological son of James T. Kirk. The press calls it the fairytale wedding of the year. The last wedding I attended was Joanna’s and I had thought there was a lot of people and publicity surrounding it because of her father but it was nothing compared to this. Not even McCoy’s second marriage or Uhura’s marriage to Mr. Scott had drawn as much attention as this. As said, I think in weddings only Amanda and Sarek’s got more publicity, thanks to it being the first human-Vulcan alliance but it was surpassed a few years later when Spock and Jim Bonded.

My thoughts return to the present as the horses draw to a stop. I just barely manage not to look surprised when I look out over the open field and see hundreds of people, all dressed in their finest clothes, standing between beautiful flower decorations and wooden sticks with white silk flags blowing in the wind. It’s beautiful but overwhelming. Due to the harsh environment and the secrecy of Vulcan ceremonies, there weren’t that many people at our Vulcan bonding and the press could only transmit from the official reception, where any non-family members could come.

“Showtime,” Jim grins at me and jumps out of the carriage before he lifts me out and down to stand safely on the ground as effortlessly as he did when I was a child. I smile at him and as he stands under the warm rays of the sun I can fully understand why Spock calls him ‘Golden One’ in the privacy of their bedroom which wasn’t so private thanks to my superior hearing. My bedroom growing up was right next to theirs, making sure that I could dismiss the myth that Vulcans only mate every seventh year quite quickly.

“Thank you, father,” I say warmly and impulsively embrace him. Jim is pleasantly surprised and hugs me back. Like Amanda, it has been hard for him at times to act Vulcan when on or around Vulcans and I explore the affectionate nature my Romulan and human blood has granted me with him whenever it’s appropriate.

“I love you, darling,” he says softly and I think I might see tears glimmering in his eyes and I recall having read that most human fathers feel very strongly about marrying their daughters off. However when I look again Jim’s warm smile is back and there is no hint of tears.

“I love you too, father,” I say warmly and kiss his cheek. His eyes shine brightly with light at my words before he begins to follow me down between the two rows of people, Joanna, Uhura and Alana coming behind us, trying to keep an eye on my long veil. I smile as I see David standing by the wooden alter, looking stunning in all white. Unlike in the old days, this ceremony is not religious but some of the traditions have been kept in the classic Earth version of a standard Federation wedding. Beside David stands Spock, in one hand holding the two rings we’ll exchange. It wasn’t much of a debate about who should give me away and who should be best man for David. Though Jim loves David and though he is his son by blood, he has told me that I am his daughter by heart. Already I can see that David and Spock have connected amazingly well and since I emotionally have connected so strongly to Jim, this arrangement was logical and agreeable to all.

*You look beautiful, * David says softly though our mental link and I smile warmly at him.

*Thank you. *

*I love you, * he sends and I can feel the amazing depth and truth of his words. Over the years I’ve mind melded a few times with Jim and in his mind, in his link with Spock, I have found that same depth and intensity in his love towards his bondmate. I’m sure that Spock finds such complete love as humbling as I do.

*I love you too, * I send back as Jim stands aside, leaving me at David’s side but he remains on the other side of me and I smile happily as I stand here with the family I will create with David and the family I will always have in Spock and Jim. 

As the ceremony begins I catch Jim giving Spock those warm looks and brilliant smiles that he always saves just for Spock and from Spock’s gentle and soft look I know that they’re having a mental conversation and I know them well enough to know what they’re saying even though I can’t hear them:

* I recall our wedding. It was the happiest day of my life, * Jim probably says and sends love through the bond to Spock. He’ll in return send his love to Jim and reply.

* I recall the event clearly… and quite joyously. *

*I love you, Spock. Always have and always will. *

* As I do thee, T’hy’la. *

Growing up, I was sometimes almost envious of Spock and Jim’s obvious love towards each other. Now as I stand besides David, my own bondmate, I know what true and all consuming love is all about. I am happy and grateful that I was given the chance to find in David the same kind of happiness, love and contentment that I saw Spock and Jim share when I was growing up.

Today all is right with the galaxy and I know that my two fathers will both make sure that it stays that way. Though Jim and I may be the warriors in our family, I now know, more than ever, that without the insight and input of our scientific lovers, we would not be the best we can be…and neither would they. Uhura once described such perfect union like a circle, the snake who consumes its own tail or the Yin and Yang of Earth myth and I would never dare debate such a clever, beautiful and seemingly timeless woman such as she.

## The End


End file.
